Peace. Peace that comes from only one place. Peace that surpasses all understanding. How I pray for this peace! This week I have been given a small taste of what this peace is. For me, this peace has come from obedience. God has spoken to my heart and then asked me to respond... until I obeyed there was turmoil. But how sweet the peace that fell upon my aching torn heart and soul once I obeyed!!!
Its amazing to me how fast things change... So many emotions, circumstances, and thoughts can fill each moment of time. This morning I am so grateful for a rock of truth to firmly plant my mind upon. I have found myself really struggling with truth and lies. I cannot keep my mind set upon the truth. But I know who is truth and today I run to his presence- this is the only choice that brings life. I cling to the promise found in Isaiah 26:3- You will keep him in perfect peace him whose mind is steadfast, because he trusts in you. I am praying God will make my mind steadfastly set upon him- I know too well how easily I can wander!
This week was a major test of obedience. It was a struggle. So many conflicting thoughts and feelings. Too much that doesn't make sense. But there was that quiet voice pressing inside me that led the way. I felt an intense urgency that I needed to quit my job. This is a post all in itself. I will post more when I have it formulated in my mind. I want to share the beautiful things I have gleaned from that experience. I attempted to turn in my notice but my boss would not have that...so they have left me on the payroll and I will work when I feel like it! I have peace about this option. I needed things to balance back out and not be interfering with my family.
This urgency made me feel as though something was terribly wrong or something was going to happen if I continued working like I was. I had no idea what it was... it was only one day later that God revealed to me what the problem was. And truly this would have been a major life crisis if I had not obeyed. I was so excited to see how God led me and enabled me to obey. And then to see why... what is so cool is how interrelated life is... so many times we try to seperate the physical life from our spritual life. But God is in it all!!! I never would have guessed that my quitting my job was so God could use it to bring me and my husband to a greater realization of our need for him and the direction we have been begging him for our family.
Of course, the moment we set sail on a straight course towards the goal the storm starts brewing. The attacks come flying in and we are threatened to turn back, give in, surrender to the enemy. That was my day yesterday. I could feel the war raging. I know it will get worse before it gets better...but I am determined to hide in the presence of God under his wings, recieving his strength and vision and let him fight for me until the storm blows past and I am firmly planted.