Saturday, September 29, 2007

Encouragment for Today

This week has held several intimate encounters with the Lord. I am ashamed to say that this has been a rarity for me lately..but having tasted his presence again this week I am longing for more. Hopefully later this evening I will have time to write more about what the Lord has spoken to my heart but for now I just wanted to share the verses that encouraged me this morning...

" Let us hold unswervingly to the hope we profess, for he who promised is faithful. And let us consider how we may spur one another on toward love and good deeds. Let us not give up meeting together, as some are in the habit of doing, but let us encourage one another- and all the more as you see the day approaching.... Remember the earlier days after you had received the light, when you stood your ground in a great contest in the face of suffering... So do not throw away your confidence; it will be richly rewarded. You need to presevere so that when you have done the will of God you will receive what he has promised. For in just a very little while, He who is coming will come and not delay..." Hebrews 10:23-25; 32-37

Tuesday, September 25, 2007

Birthdays, MRI's, and Stuffy Noses...
We got more good news just in time for Jon's 10th birthday!!! My mom, Jon, Mya, and I traveled to Atlanta yesterday for our 3 month scan and drs appts. Jonathan is doing well... he is about as stable in every area as he could be. His scan actually shows a slight increase but they believe it is due to a different angle in the picture taking. They all agree it is stable! We can't ask for more than that!!!
His sinuses, as I expected, are worse then they were when we had the last scan. We are treating it with more antibiotics and then will begin with a prophylactic antibiotic for awhile. I don't have any good ideas for how to prevent the infections...anyone else have any ideas???
We enjoyed a special birthday party for Jonathan and Mya. Jon's best friend Noah came with his sweet family (his momma is becoming my new best friend!!!) and my family was here. It was fun to just be able to visit and not have any kind of "pressure" to party.
The next day I made Mya her own cake and we had a "party" outside so we could take pictures. Go here to see more of the celebration! She is so cute and so much fun. I love watching her learn new things everyday.
Well, we are off to another drs appt- this time to have a wart removed! Josh has kissed to many frogs I think!

Monday, September 17, 2007

Its my party and I'll cry if I want to!!!

I hate birthdays. Actually, I only hate my birthday. I love other people's birthdays. I don't really know why I hate it so much...maybe the expectations- I would just rather the whole day just be peaceful and happy than stressful just because its my birthday. Same thing with Mother's Day etc. I don't want the stress of thinking that somehow the day should be any better than any other day just because its my birthday.

I should say that everyone really tried. I really appreciate it...more than I would ever say. I loved the cards. My children sweetly took daddy to the store to buy my present (only to find out that Daddy left his wallet at home!!!). I was touched by their thoughtfulness...they know me mug, dunkin donuts coffee, chocolate and a starbucks card!!!! Josh asked me a hundred times when we were having a party...finally in the Wendy's drive thru yesterday I told him right now, right here in this parking lot. Everyone remembered my birthday...even my long lost friend!

So if every hope I had was fulfilled why was I wanting to cry? Because I was grumpy. Because we woke up all tired, sick, and grumpy. Because my children move faster then I can think. My brain rattled with every shriek and cry from their VERY loud voices. All this would have been easier to deal with if it had just been a normal day- but it was my birthday and should have been a wonderful day, right????

Yeah we are the day after...I can breathe again. I don't think I will cry. I am ready to spend some time with the Lord. I need to be refreshed, refocused, and re-energized. I am ready to push through and deal with all this day has brought with it....

I need to take four of the children to the dr. Mya and Josh have been running high fevers since Saturday. Jon spiked a fever Sat night but hasn't since...but we know he has a sinus infection (his white blood cell count jumped from 9,000 to 21,000 in just a few short days. Jason is playing hooky but I just didn't have the energy to fight him this morning. So I think he will just have to go to the dr and get swabbed for strep with the rest. Then I 'll take him to school...unless I am wrong and he is positive then I will give him a popsicle...

That's just the beginning of a crazy day but I am determined today will not be like yesterday!

Sunday, September 16, 2007

Happy Birthday To Me!!!!
Actually, this is not my's my sister's. Obviously it is missing 14 candles for it to be mine. But this is my birthday. My sister Melody's birthday is to day as well. This is the beginning of birthday is mine. Mya will be one on the 21st. Jon will be 10 on the 25th. My sister has two kids who have birthdays on the 25th and 28th.
I am off to grocery shop in honor of my birthday... woohoo!

Monday, September 10, 2007

UGGGGGGGGGGG!!!!!!!! Feeling like running away to a deserted island right about now!

Sunday, September 09, 2007

I thought everyone might enjoy seeing a picture of Jonathan. He is now 4 months into his chemo treatments. Overall, he looks pretty good, doesn't he? He has lost lots of hair but still has a good amount left. I imagine by the end of treatment it will be close to gone. It's not a big deal to Jon though. He loves to show off his scars.

He is feeling better this week. Thank you for praying for him last week. Last week he ended up missing several doses of his "mood control" medicine. Yesterday he was on edge about everything. Several breakdowns were looming. I tried giving him his meds early in the afternoon. They worked for his mood but he has been awake ALL night long! Don't think I will do that again.

I am still trying to get caught up from all the chaos. My brother Caleb moved in with us for a little while. He is going to school at Pellissippi and trying to get settled into adult life. It has been fun having him here. The kids, especially Mya, love him to death. It can be a little challenging but so far so good. I just have to figure out how to arrange bedrooms so they make the most sense. I am not sure what is best yet! I probably just need my brain to shut off and just clean up.

Adding to the craziness is the neverending almost overwhelming thoughts flying through my brain. My job has opened my eyes to so many realities of life. As I consider all of this I go from fearful (but then I remember God's perfect love cast out fear- so I must run to God with this fear and gain his perspective.) to urgent; from purpose to utter sadness that there is nothing I can do to slow down time. It has caused me to totally reconsider everything about life. Here are some realizations I have been contemplating lately:

1. No matter who you are or what you accomplish in life we all end up the same. In these nursing homes there are people who at one time were somebody. One was a professional football player- now he lays in a bed in a nursing home suffering from dementia. In some ways, it made me think- the only difference money, position or prestige really made in the end was to determine whether you have enough money to have a private room or be in a better facility. It doesn't change how you spend the end of your days.

2. So if all of these things don't really matter, what does? Relationships. It makes me wonder- would some of these people be at home surrounded by their families if they had taken the time to build those relationships? Granted, a lot of them do have relationships and its evident in their care and the warmth of their rooms. They just have conditions that require extra nursing care. SO please don't take take me wrong on this thought- the main thinking is that I want to capture the time I have now to do what matters. To spend time with my children. To spend time with my family. To love on people. If I end up there I want my room to be filled with love not blank walls and empty hearts.

3. We only have a short time to do what matters. I always,unconsciously, think I have all the time in the world. Nothing will happen to me. Nothing will stop me from doing, loving, being until the day I die. But you know what this is all I have- these few short years to make a difference. I have no guarantees. I could end up physically and mentally unable to do anything. I am not afraid of what the future holds. I am afraid of not living today. I am afraid of not fully embracing the life God has given me. I am afraid of not loving enough. Not doing the right things. Not finding what God has chosen for me to do and be.

So today I am asking God to cast out this fear and to replace with His peace that passes understanding...His peace that comes to a surrendered heart. A heart that rests and waits for God to lead.

Tuesday, September 04, 2007

Not even time for a real bath!!!

Sorry to all of you who have come to life is so crazy I haven't even had time to write about it. But I will I promise! So many thoughts swimming in my head... my heart has been heavy, happy, sad, and consumed. But it is good...just trying to process it all...

Jonathan's chemo has been rough this week! He has thrown up several times and getting his pills down have been pretty difficult. I am trying to figure out how to help him swallow all 13 of his pills with less is quite a tense hour before bed. He is also coming down with another pray for him.

We had an incredibly awesome holiday weekend with several old friends made new again...more about that later. God is healing my heart through this group of friends. I can't wait to share with you the details!

I wish I could sit and write all night but my pillow is calling to me from my room...4 AM is making me beyond exhausted!!! I'll be back when my brain has recovered!!!