Could you spare just five dollars?

Your five dollars added to my five dollars added to another's five dollars could mean that a little child would finally be in a forever family. My special friends have begun the process of adopting another precious waiting child from China. Many of the kids helped by Love Without Boundaries are special needs children. My friends have a heart to welcome these special children into their home! Please visit their website below for more information. They are having a drawing for a $250 Best Buy card...I hope you will consider a small donation towards making a huge difference in one child's life.

Click Here to visit their website.

Tonight I was struggling to maintain a positive spirit. Songs have been used by the Lord to really minister to my heart and turn my thoughts back to him. So I sat down and began to listen to the many songs that would lift my spirit. I thought it would be fun to go through and find songs that would tell the story of my life. It was a neat experience and really helped keep the night from going south. What a good reminder to see how the Lord has been a part of every thing that has happened in my life. None of these videos, with the exception of He's My Son, are mine (neither are the songs). Just borrowed from youtube.

1. Jesus Loves Me

At the age five I found out this simple truth and gave my heart to Jesus.

2. He Won't Let You Go

At age 10, due to some choices my brother made I watched my hero fall from the pedestal I had placed him on. God used the heartbreaking circumstances to draw me into a life changing commitment to be fully surrendered to my Lord. At this moment, I made the choice to follow the Lord no matter what.

3. Tell Me Again

As I was growing up in the Lord, he made sure I was surrounded by those who were faithful to BE Jesus. I will be forever grateful to my youth leaders who invested their time and their hearts in my life. I am convinced that without them I would not be where I am today.

4. Be the One

One of the songs that was an inspiration to me early on...I wanted nothing more than to Be the One the Lord could and would use.

5. For the Sake of the Call

Inspired by Jim and Elizabeth Elliot, I responded to the call on my life to go to the mission field. At 15 I went on my first mission trip to Guatemala. One step on foreign soil was all it took for me to be willing to leave my family and go...my entire high school years were spent overseas as a missionary. What an incredible time of my life!

6. Go Light Your World

The passion of my heart!

7. A Friend Like You

During my trips overseas, I met some of my best friends. Its hard to believe that my best friend and I have remained close over 17 years. What an incredible blessing she is from the Lord. Throughout every season in my life, the Lord has blessed with that special friend who has connected deeply with my heart. I am so blessed.

8. All I Ask of You

The significance of the movie this song comes from is greater than the song itself. Even today this movie reminds me of the time in my life when I fell in love only to realize that this was not the person who God had intended for me. There are days when I wish I could erase this part from my story. But I know that without it I would not be where I am today.

9. Don't Say Goodbye

One of the hardest days of my life was when I, at 16 years old, looked into the eyes of the man I was going to be married to, and hand him back his ring. The Lord had clearly spoken to me that this was not his plan. I had given my this man my heart and in the process had forgotten to keep the Lord first in my heart. Though I was heartbroken, I never regretted my choice to obey the Lord. Shortly after breaking off the engagement, I left the country and returned to the Lover of My Soul.

10. Seize the Day

Refocused and ready to follow the road the Lord had led me to, I left home at 17 and went to Peru as a missionary. After three months there I came home only long enough to go to Haiti with my sister and then pack to return to Peru. What an incredible adventure that time was. Even now my heart is homesick for the Peruvian people. I pray daily that some day the Lord will let me return.

11. Take My Hand and Walk

This song became huge to me in the time that I was returning to Peru. I was struggling with many things. So many things were unsettled in my heart. But this song reminded me of the promise that I just had to take his hand and follow.

12. Hold Me Jesus

Little did I know that while I was hiding away in the Jungle, the Lord was preparing the one who he had chosen for me to marry. My incredible husband was going through a painful time in his life when I met him and this song was a huge part of his healing and coming back to Jesus. Everytime I hear this song I am reminded of the precious beginning of our relationship.

13. Another Man in Her Life

7 weeks after my husband and I started dating I left for Peru. I had made a commitment to be there for 7 months. I felt that my commitment to the Lord could not be changed simply because I had fallen in love. My husband joined me in Peru the last 2 weeks I was there. 8 weeks later we were married. This song was played at our wedding and was a huge part of out marriage.

14. Masterpiece

I became a mother on September 25 1997. I should have known from the beginning that this little boy would have such a huge impact on our world. He was dying when he was born. His lungs were aspirated with 6 holes. I didn't have a name for him because he was supposed to be a girl. But the moment I saw him and saw him fighting for his life, I knew his name. Jonathan, gift from God. A bittersweet reminder that God gives and God takes away. He proved to be one miracle after another...God healed the holes in his lungs within hours and he came home 3 days later. Fourteen months later Brittney was born. 12 months after she arrived Jason arrived. Motherhood and all its ups and downs was in full swing.

15. Let Mercy Lead

Josh joined us in 2002. The weight of the incredible gift and responsibility was heavy upon my heart. How grateful I am that the Lord is able to make good out of our failures as parents. I will do my best to lead them and train them, after that its up to the Lord to capture their hearts.

16. He's My Son

Three months after Joshua was born, great suffering entered my world. Jonathan, the month before he turned 5, was diagnosed with a brain tumor. The Lord surrounded us with special friends and carried us through some very dark days. Its hard to believe that it was seven years ago and we are still walking this path. And still being carried by the strong arms of our Heavenly Father.

17. Praise you in the Storm

So many days and long nights filled with never ending tears can lead to a questioning heart. Why does the Lord allow this trial to stay for so long? Why doesn't he heal my child? This song became a soothing balm to my heart. I choose to praise him in the midst of the storm...not because he removed the storm. Here is where I encounter the God of the Universe in an intimate way only found in pain and suffering.

18. I still believe

The line that I will live and die by. No matter what happens in life, no matter the pain that comes, no matter how easy it would be to walk away... one thing remains...I still believe. The truth about the Lord has not changed and will not change no matter the circumstance.

19. Blessed be your name

My life song. Still I will say...blessed be the name of the Lord.

20. Watch Over Me

Another love song that the Lover of my soul has sung into my heart during the darkest nights. He watches over me and reminds me of his presence.

21. Look What Faith Can Do

This is my new favorite song. I am watching the Lord do great things. He is making miracles out of broken hearts, broken lives, and broken dreams. Nothing is beyond his touch. His ways are not my ways, but I am learning that stepping out in faith has great rewards.

22. I lift my eyes

The older I get in my walk with the Lord, the more I realize that He alone is the source for everything we need. He is truly all that life is all about. The more I fill my life with him, the less I seek to be filled by others and able to give to others unconditionally.

23. Friends Are Friends Forever

This is the greatest blessing in my life right now. The Lord has allowed me to reconnect with these kinds of forever friends. Ones that I never thought I would ever see again much less live life with. I am blessed beyond words.

24. Beautiful Ending

The prayer of my heart is to end well. I don't want this life to be in vain. I want to finish the race set before me with a heart that is truly surrendered to the Lord.

Its a snowy, cold afternoon here in Colorado Springs. Perfect day for a hot cup of coffee, a fire in the fireplace and family time. Its almost time to get my kids from school and I am actually looking forward to them being home. Tomorrow is a half day and I am so looking forward to the weekend. But for now I am enjoying the last few minuted of quiet and thought I should update everyone on Jonathan.

We went to Denver this morning. I am so thankful that Shawn was off today and was able to go with us. Since Mya has been running a high fever for the past few days, Shawn just dropped Jon and I off at the hospital and took her for a drive. Jonathan has been physically stable ever since we left the hospital. He really looks good. I am thankful for every minute like this and don't want to take it for granted. I know all to well how fast things can change.

We still don't have any test results back. So we still have no idea what caused this four weeks of weird episodes. The plan for now is to wait for the results. We are all leaning towards the chemotherapy playing a part in this. The question is whether there is an underlying problem and the chemotherapy "activated" the problem or if the chemo itself is the problem. Not an easy answer to come to. We have decided to put the chemo on hold until we have a better idea. We may just stop the chemo all together. We will scan in shorter intervals until something happens... if the tumor starts to grow then we have to do something. If it stays stable we will just keep watching and waiting.

Today we are just enjoying life. Life as a family. Life with its ups and downs. Life is an amazing journey. And no matter the outcome, I am sure of one thing... the Lord is on the throne and he is capable of more than I can ever imagine. I am glad that the responsibility of the outcome rests on his shoulders and not mine.

As this week has now become even more complicated, I find myself running to the only safe place that I can run to...the arms of Jesus. This afternoon I am encouraged by the words in a tiny book by perhaps my most favorite person in the entire world- Amy Carmichael. In her book: His Thoughts Said...His Father Said..." there are many encouraging thoughts. But this one really encouraged me.

There is a Place By Me

His thoughts said, " Before me continually is the grief of wounds, confusion, suspense, distress"

His Father said, " Behold there is a place by Me, and thou shalt stand upon a rock. Then, as a frightened child on a storm swept mountain side would gratefully take his father's hand, and stand on a rock in a place by him, fearing no evil- so it was with the son. For he knew that though the earth be removed and the waters be carried into the midst of the sea, that rock by his father will never be moved.And he remember words about things that can be shaken and things that will remain. And though no small tempest lay on him, he said to the multitude of thought whose voices sought to disturb him, Sirs, be of good cheer; for I believe God that it shall be even as it was told me. For as his majesty is, so also is his mercy.

If you would like to send Jonathan a note to cheer him up, you can go onto the hospital website at thechildrenshospital.org and under the "about your visit" site. There is a place to send email cards that are delivered to his room.

Well, it appears that our stay here at the beautiful Children's Hospital is coming to an end. Hopefully, we will be headed home tomorrow morning. Jon has an EKG scheduled in the morning. Evidently cardiac issues are common in some of the genetic things that are going on so we are going to make sure that is all working right.

I still really don't know what they have tested for or are looking for. I know they have a long list and it appears they are going down it ruling thing out. There is a good chance that all of this is nothing more than toxicity to the chemotherapy but we need to know if it is anything more than that. Also need to know if there are conditions that are making it more likely for him to be toxic to the chemotherapy.

My prayer is that they will quickly figure it out so we can resume chemo soon. I don't like going to long without knowing we are fighting that stupid tumor. Thank you all for your continued prayers and support. We love you and appreciate you!

I have so much to blog about but don't have time right now. I have a feeling the next few days will provide ample time to get caught up. I wanted to let you all know that Jonathan will be admitted to the hospital tomorrow morning for some extensive observation and testing. We need to find out what is going on with him. If this is the new normal, I can deal with that as long as they tell me that is what it is. But until we know that for sure I am not content to just sit back and watch whatever is happening happen.

Basically he has been up and down since we were last in the hospital 4 weeks ago. There is no explanation for all the changes that are going on. Finally on Friday the doctor decided we were going to figure it out. So we are to stay in the hospital until we have it figured out.

Mya and I will be joining Jon in the hospital adventure. Shawn is staying here with the other three. I am hopeful we won't be there too long. So I am off now to get ready. Thank you for praying for, supporting, and loving our family through this journey. We love you all.

What a crazy, long day! The oncologist decided yesterday that he wanted Jon to be seen by the seizure specialist today in clinic. So they ordered another sleep deprived EEG for this morning and then we went to see the dr. The EEG was the same as the one last week...definitely could be prone to seizures but not seeing much actual seizure activity. Duh!!!! thus the reason we asked it to be done when he was in the hospital and it was happening! But we are just the parents; what do we know????

The neurologist did have some interesting ideas though. She picked up on some new muscle weakness that is somewhat concerning. Both eye lids are drooping today which is different and odd. There is some kind of muscle condition or disease that can cause some of the symptoms we see but not all of them. She did blood work to test for this. It takes about a week before the results come back. She also decided that they wanted another 24 hour EEG. They had an opening today...lucky me! I should have told them no and to wait until next week but I didn't. And so now it has added so much stress and chaos to the weekend.

I am going on a women's retreat tomorrow with ladies from church. Jon has to be taken all the way to Denver just to have the EEG disconneted. Two hours out of the day. Two hours out of a day that didn't have 2 extra hours in it. I think any other time it would be no big deal. But this time it is jut particularly annoying because they are doing it after the fact and will not really see anything... so its kind of a waste of time and money. But I want these doctors to be diligent in finding answers so I am willing to do what they ask at least for now.

The prep for this EEG took forever...long enough to watch an entire movie. So we got on the road late and ended up in rush hour traffic. Jon started throwing up in the middle of this traffic. I couldn't reach a bowl so he was throwing up in diapers. Finally we got out of traffic and I could stop for a little while and get the bowl. He threw up over 17 times...those are the only ones I was able to write down. I have no idea what happened. When we got home, I gave him anti-nausea meds and he went right to sleep. Thankfully he has not thrown up again.

So here we are tonight. I am praying against the attack of the enemy...there is much of this going on in many of the lives of those going on the retreat. God is going to be working in our hearts there and the enemy is not to happy about it. I am praying for wisdom. I am praying for the ability to clearly and confidently express my thoughts and frustrations in a calm and respectful way. And I am praying for the doctors involved to have wisdom to think out of the box and find some answers to wait is ailing Jonathan. Thank you all for your prayers as well. We love you all!