Tuesday, June 26, 2007

The waves are crashing upon my heart like a hurricane tonight. I can not think. I cannot feel anything but desperation. I just want to cry and beg for someone to rescue me, to rescue my children, to rescue my husband. I want to stop and start this whole life over.

I am so tired. The world won't stop spinning. My house is a mess. My kids are absolutely wild. My body can't keep up. The baby won't sleep and no one will be tired.

And the worse pain of it all is the regret, the inability to do all I want, all I know I am supposed to do. The pain of wanting to be loving and falling short. I want to have fun with my children. I want to teach them all the things of the Lord. I want to have a neat and orderly home full of peace and love. I want to reflect Christ... instead my heart crumbles, my mouth spews forth hurtful words, and I am quick to throw my hands up and succumb to all the emotions in my heart.

The words of Psalm 40:1-3 are my cry tonight. Lord, help me to wait patiently for you. I beg you to hear my cry tonight... rescue me and restore me. Take my mind from the slimy pit and help me to think on truth. Set me on the rock of truth so I can conquer these doubts and defeat in your strength. Jesus I beg you to rescue me... I am stuck. I am hurting. I need you.... I need you alone.

The last verse says God will put a new song in my mouth and a hymn of praise to my God. Then others will see and fear and they will trust God because of it. Oh, this is my prayer.

Friends, will you pray with me tonight... I need you all desperately. Please pray for God to rescue me... from these destructive depressing overwhelming thoughts. Pray for truth to reign in my heart. Pray for my mind to be refocused on Christ. Pray for God to grant rest and peace to my soul.

Please pray for my children to sleep tonight... this is the most spiritual prayer I can muster tonight. God I need sleep. Pray for this dizzyness and pressure in my head to stop... I can't function and it is so frustrating. Thank you for your prayers for me tonight.


Tina said...

Im sorry I am just seeing this. I hope the Lord gave you some rest. I am praying for you. I used to have many days like this. In fact, the tears welled up in my eyes when I read it. He loves you SOOOOOOOO MUCH! Praying you have a sense of how much today.

I have these verses taped to my kitchen cabinet:
“ O you afflicted one,
Tossed with tempest, and not comforted,
Behold, I will lay your stones with colorful gems,
And lay your foundations with sapphires.
12 I will make your pinnacles of rubies,
Your gates of crystal,
And all your walls of precious stones.
13 All your children shall be taught by the LORD,
And great shall be the peace of your children.
14 In righteousness you shall be established;
You shall be far from oppression, for you shall not fear;
And from terror, for it shall not come near you.
15 Indeed they shall surely assemble, but not because of Me.
Whoever assembles against you shall fall for your sake.
16 “ Behold, I have created the blacksmith
Who blows the coals in the fire,
Who brings forth an instrument for his work;
And I have created the spoiler to destroy.
17 No weapon formed against you shall prosper,
And every tongue which rises against you in judgment
You shall condemn.
This is the heritage of the servants of the LORD,
And their righteousness is from Me,”
Says the LORD.

Tina said...

HI, I thought this might be helpful to you also. We are always more emotional and things look so much worse when we are tired. I do hope you had sweet sleep.


Peach said...

Precious friend, I've been sharing those same thoughts, those same cries, those same inadequacies, that same depressing, dark place. Your post could have been mine.

Know I am praying and will keep you on my heart as we walk this path together. Praying for a sweet night's rest for you tonight, dear one.