Fear. That is what has seized my heart tonight. Tears of fear. Exhaustion. Confusion. Frustration. Sheer Helplessness. So many thoughts. No words other than Fear. I long for the days when throwing up was just a normal sign of a stomach bug. I long for the days when I didn't look at my children and feel like I am facing death right in its eyes. I look only long enough to feel the slight twinge of what that loss would be like and I have to turn away. My heart can't bear to even consider what could become a real possibility. All I want to do is run...
There is no where to run. There is not one place that we could run to where all this would not follow. No place. There is only one place where all of this can be faced with courage... at the feet of Jesus. Tonight I am so very aware that God and I have some heart to heart conversing to do. He needs to talk and I need to listen. I need to stay a moment longer and actually consider all that he whispers in my ear as he holds me close.
Tonight the sick storm rages on... My poor husband is still battling whatever it is that has hit him. Maybe the flu? Who knows. Its awful. He called in sick today and he never ever calls in sick. I finally made it the store to buy him some sudafed ( I lost my driver's license and since you can't buy sudafed without it I was sort of out of luck until I found it this afternoon.) As I was heading back home I called to check in and Josh who has been battling a headache had thrown up all over my bed. He is the one who is causing fear in my heart tonight. I am kicking myself for not taking him to Atlanta. I know that I did what was right and that I was supposed to stay here. But I am afraid. He is resting peacefully now with migraine meds and zofran... as long as he stays that way I am ok. It is very tempting to scoop him up and take him to the ER. I know they would do a CT scan if I asked.
Please keep praying friends. I know that what we are facing is not anything more that what most of you are probably dealing with right now yourselves with sickness going around full force. Everything for us though is viewed through a shaded lens. And it really stinks sometimes. I can deal with the sickness. I can handle vomit, blood, and tears. The fear is a whole other thing in itself. So please just pray for peace. Thank you.