Wednesday, May 23, 2007

I have one excuse for my absence from this blog recently: I have been cleaning. For those of you who know me you will recognize this as a code word for stress. Anytime that you walk into my house and furniture is moved you will know I am stressed. The real test is to look in my laundry room...if it is neat and ordered then I am really overwhelmed. Funny, isn't it?

I figured out a while ago that I automatically go into this mode because it is the one thing I can control about my life. And the laundry room is the one room that doesn't matter but is the most easily mastered. So every few weeks my house undergoes a makeover...

Its a good thing. My stress reliever often results in purging of clutter, organization and order,fresh coats of paint and a new perspective. Many hours of quiet conversation with the Lord that somehow refreshes my soul and gives me the strength to make it through another day.

To all of you who are still waiting replies to your emails or who have called or made offers to help, I am sorry. I promise to come out of hiding soon!

The above picture is Jon's official baseball picture. I am going to have prayer cards made I think. If any of you would like to have one and you are not already on my mail list please post in the comment section and I will add you. I think it will be handy to have several of these to give to people as we meet. I want this experience to be used by God and maybe this blog can be used to point people to Christ as they come to check on Jon.

This has been a roller coaster week for me. My husband is out of town so I think that is adding to my weariness. An overwhelming sense of responsibility floods over me and makes me feel so inadequate for the role I have been given to play in this life. Sometimes it is torture to consider all that has happened in my life and wonder if I have wasted so much time. I think back and wonder where I went wrong. What happened that turned my heart to stone? But yet I feel my heart beat and I feel emotions and a desire to serve God as he desires so I know it can't be all stone, right?

I want to be wholly devoted to Christ. I don't want to be one who throws her hands up and says I quit just when things get tough. Just last night I was brought to the point of tears and utter exasperation over a locked door. Oh, I just want to be consistently able to display the character of God in my life, in all things. I want to teach my children the truths in God's word. I want to show them how to embrace all God has given them and to live adventurous passionate lives for Christ...but I can't even seem to get past brushing their teeth and feeding them three meals a day... I know God will be faithful. I know he will mold me and change me into his likeness as I abide... I just need to abide.

I realized that if I don't abide I have nothing to offer. Apart from Christ, nothing can be done. Really, there is nothing to say if I haven't sat at the feet of Christ and gained his perspective, his words. Anything else will only be my friends, I commit to sit at the feet of Christ today. Come sit there with me....


Peach said...

I'm sittin' dear friend. Send on the prayer cards, and I'll be happy to share them with my church family here. We've got some prayer warriors around us.

Your thoughts so echo those of my own heart recently. I will be praying for you, sweet one, as I attempt my own intricate dance of abiding.

Heidi said...


God is your strength Kelly! We're praying for you and would love a prayer card.

Love you lots,

Anonymous said...

I will hang with you today. Oh it sounds all too familiar. Love you!

Deana Fulton