Reminders of God's grace, blessing, and sovereignty are flooding my life right now. I have no other way to explain it. Its been an intense ride these past few months with the Lord. Sometimes its hard to even put words to what He is doing. I just know he is alive and breathing life into me. I finally feel as though the Holy Spirit has centered my life in Christ and a peace that has been missing for so long has returned.
Its funny though that my heart feels so alive and so excited when circumstances have been and continue to be so bleak. This just further convinces me that intimate time with Jesus changes our perspective. My circumstances have not changed. But my outlook has. My child is still sick. The possibility of death still looms on the horizon. The destruction this horrible disease has brought into our lives still exists. Time with Jesus has transformed my perspective. What was nothing but defeat, failure, and sadness has become a challenge, adventure, and an opportunity to see just how big our God is and what He is able to accomplish.
Once Jonathan was diagnosed, I had pretty much accepted that there were things that we just would not do. So many dreams died that day. Recently, though the Lord has begun to show me that there is nothing impossible for Him. Why does this diagnosis have to change what God has called our family to do? Maybe it is just part of the plan. Maybe God wants to use this child in his way to reach people we could never have had the opportunity to reach had we not been walking this road. One of those dreams that "I" decided was to always be a thing of the past was missions. Those of you who know me, know that this is something that lies at the heart of who I am. Through a series of events and time with God, I believe that he is showing us that this dream is not impossible. I don't know anything more than that. I don't know if one day the Lord will allow us to return to the mission field to live there or just to go on short term trips. Or to lead others there. I just know we are to prepare. That is God's word to me now: to use this season of my life to prepare financially, spiritually, and physically.
What some of you might not know is that it is Jonathan's dream to go to Peru. When we were deciding where to go for his wish trip, the first thing he asked to do was go to Peru. We didn't go there but it has never stopped being something he says he wants to do. This child loves Spanish. And here we are in Colorado where there is a large population of Spanish speaking people and Jonathan seeks them out and sings Spanish worship songs to them. You should here him in the doctor's office's. Its incredible. So my prayer is that the Lord will make a way for us to take Jon to this country that he loves one day in the near future.
I am constantly reminded that God's ways are not my ways and I will be forever grateful for that. Sometimes it can be years before we actually see why the Lord chose things to be why they are. Sometimes all we get it is one word from the Lord guiding us and we have to choose to obey or to disobey that word. Sometimes it makes no sense and sometimes his way hurts. Sometimes he tells us no to something we really want or that we think is the best for us. I have been thinking lately about what might my life had been like if I had had my way and not God's way. Somethings are yet to be seen, but here is just one of those things I might have missed out on.
Special friends. God has worked a miracle lately. It is a picture of incredible grace, forgiveness and the working that only he could do. He has brought two families together that in all likelihood would have been the furthest from ever being friends much less share the connection that we do. There are five children in both of our families. The way our children have connected is so incredible that it is like God created them to be friends. Everyday that they are together blesses my heart because I see how God's no answer 15 years ago was in part because he was preparing in advance a yes answer to our prayers for friends for us and our children. See 16 years ago I was engaged to these other children's dad. We both thought that was God's way but God said no. Had we chosen to disobey, we wouldn't be enjoying the intimate fellowship that our families have today. I would not be experiencing the joy of the friendship with his wife. There would not be these 10 incredible children who God has an incredible plan for. The list goes on and on of how life would have been different had we not obeyed the simple no we were given.
There are so many ways. I am going to make a list soon so I can remember what God has done.
I better go get lunch ready. Thanks for sticking with me through this long post of random thinking.