"You hear, O LORD, the desire of the afflicted; you encourage them, and you listen to their cry" Psalm 10:17
I don't know where to begin in sharing the way God has answered my prayers (and your prayers) these past few days. Once again I am truly amazed at how our God works. His gentleness and faithfulness to rescue his children and draw them close in his arms brings me such comfort. This verse really says what I have experienced this past week- the encouragement of God. Let me try and sum up the lessons etched on my heart this weekend:
1. Nothing that is happening to me is unique to me alone. Trials and temptations are "common" among us. I was really having a rough time emotionally this past week. Sometimes in the depths of despair I begin to think maybe there is something really wrong with me. I begin to think things are worse than they really are and tumble head first into a dungeon of despair and depression held captive by faulty perspective. This week I was reminded that I am joined in this battle to maintain God's perspective on our lives, our marriages, and our children by many others- a new friend unkowingly blessed me as she shared through her blog her struggles with the exact same thing, another friend reminded me that she too was struggling with the same thing at the same time as I was. My sister and I bonded over our same frustrations. I guess its been said "misery loves company" but in this case perhaps having company in our tough times is God's way of lifting us out of the depths of despair.
2. We are not meant to live life alone. I don't know about you but when this yuckyness comes I start withdrawing and isolating. I start thinking I am all alone. I dwell on it and become depressed. Little did I know that across town, my sister was having a rough week as well... and through both of us struggling God rescued us: we needed a break... so out loving husbands took over mommy duty for the day and we spent Saturday together shopping. It was wonderful and refreshing. Makes me think... God has given a way out. What would happen if I simply just told my husband I needed a break and took time away... and instead of feeling guilty or like I have to be supermom I just enjoyed it and viewed it as God's way of keeping me refreshed and effective as a mother and a wife... I am beginning to think that a regularly scheduled time away might be in the works!
3. As you know if you have been reading this blog for awhile, I have been really struggling with getting connected. Trying to start over in a new church has proven to be quite difficult... I know the difficulty has really been my fault. Hanging to too much hurt and scars in my heart has affected my obedience to God in this area. I hate that it has taken so long for me to work through the issues... so much time has been wasted. But I am ready now (and the time to work through stuff has given me a clearer vision) to do what God has called me to do. Pray for me please to be brave...my heart is still so "fragile" and weak when it comes to putting myself out there again.
If you have the chance listen to the two teachings by Chip Ingram entitled " You are not in this alone." You can get there by clicking on the Living on the Edge link on the right side of this page and going to the listen online section. This message was God's very loud whisper to me this past week. I know what I must do. It is so funny though- once my perspective was changed so many things became obvious to me.... I love to see God's hand in the everyday things especially when he works in an area of my heart. It was really just silly little things like being greeted by so many people at church. I know it was God. Just think the next time you say hello to someone at church you may be actually being used by God to change their day, or enabling them to boldly step forward and obey God's calling. I know those who said hello to me yesterday did more healing in my heart than they will ever know. Their simple greeting said: You are wanted here.
One last thing- I know some of you are here for updates about Jonathan....well surprise! This is all about life....Jonathan included. I hope you will stick around and come back frequently. Good news though... our prayers are being answered... I can't tell you that Jon's tumor is not growing...it could be, it might not be. But I can tell you that he appears more stable this past week. He had a sinus infection which finally got treated and seems to be doing better. So maybe he was just run down from the infection. We are keeping to original MRI date of July 16th so we will know more then. Please pray specifically for his iron level to come up. His levels keep dropping.
I have to run to the dr so this is it for now...thanks for walking this journey with me.