Strange things are happening around here.
The Lord is up to something and His ways are not my ways. But His ways are good. That I do know. I am so thankful that things are not up to me. Its a crazy wild adventure that one signs up for when they place their heart into the hands of Almighty God. He blows my mind.
My brain is on overload. My heart is bursting at the seams. I have found my lips overflowing with silent prayers. My hand is gripping the Father's hand. I have no idea where this is all going but I know who is leading. So I am safe. I am free. I am secure. I know who holds my hand.
So what's going on? I really don't know. I know that my prayers have been answered. I know that God is in the process of transforming me. He is transforming my husband. My children are changing. I really didn't expect such a fast response to our prayers. I really thought we would continue down the path of despair and failure. It was quite hopeless in my view.
But, through very unlikely and hard to believe circumstances, God is reaching into our lives and touching them. He is setting us free. He is breathing his life into our hearts again. This process of being made a live again hurts. It is easier to remain dead emotionally. But I want to breathe. I want to live. In the midst of this new life, Satan tries to destroy what God begins. Floods of memories, past faults, past failures, broken dreams, unfulfilled longings threaten to drown me.
The Lord blew me away these past couple of weeks in how he has begun setting me free from the raging in my head and hurt. He used some people who I never would have though possible. I am not going to go in to great detail. But I will share that God answered more prayers than one. We have been praying for a church. We have desperately needed a church. We have been so hesitant to step out and find one. At the same time I have been praying for healing in my husband's heart and that he would find courage to lead us. Well, 2 weeks ago we woke up 30 minutes before we would need to leave to go to church. We both looked at each other and debated about church. We laid there a little longer. Prompted that we needed to go, we got up and had all the kids showered and ready and in the car in record time. It had snowed the night before- so the fact that we even went was totally God. The church we went to was so totally not what I would have chosen... I had been resistant because of the church it was. And unfortunately I have a lot of influence over we go or not. Shortly after we arrived, we were reunited with an old friend who God used to speak His truth powerfully into my heart to begin the healing process.
Only God could orchestrate such a day. Even down to the detail of someone from my past being used by God to speak truth into my life and set me free from the lies I believed.
We have prayed for friends. I have especially prayed for God to provide a friend for my husband. We both have had the blessing of meeting with accountability partners and mentors in the past. This type of relationship is desire we both have deeply. This past week, Shawn got to reconnect with a friend. Where this friendship goes, I don't know but it is a start.
Another thing I have been praying and struggling with has been the kids and school. I just don't know what the right choice is. Well, through the teaching that first Sunday, I finally felt peace over the decisions we have to make. The peace over trusting my husband to lead, over realizing that this decision is not a set in stone, life or death decision. Oh there is so much more than even that... so many ways that I can feel God changing me. Anyway, I have stopped fighting for my way. I am trusting God to open the doors that are right or close the ones that are not. So, we have applied for three different charter schools. They will have a lottery to choose who is attending the schools in the next couple of weeks. If the kids get accepted they will go to school next year. If they don't then I will continue to teach them at home. This is so huge for me to let go of.
There is so much more that I could share. I am still trying to process it all. I will share more later on this topic. Thank you all as you continue to pray for me and our family!