Tuesday, November 18, 2008

"Walk a little closer with Jesus, Mama"

This is the resounding messsage that just keeps flooding my heart and my brain. In the midst of all the other things competing for my affection and my mind this is the one thing still stands out in the end.

Walk a little closer because I am watching you.

These little eyes pierce me to the soul tonight as I look at the picture. All five sets of little eyes seem to ask the same thing. In all that I do in the course of a day, in all that I choose to focus on, in everything that I say or think the one thing that matters most right now is how I walk in front of my children.

I am having a hard time coming to grips with this right now. I know they watch me. I know that they will become what I teach them. I want desperately for my children to have authentic, intimate relationships with Jesus. I want to see His love and light pouring forth in their lives. I hate to say it but right now I think the only one who is really even coming close to displaying this kind of life out of all of us is Brittney.

I am truly questioning everything right now. I am questioning what is important. I am wondering what it means today for me in this life that God has given me to truly live for him. So often I find myself reflecting on my past walk with Christ and longing for that time. But today I am no longer a single person running all over the world with the message of the gospel. Today I am a mom of five wonderful children and wife to an incredible husband. I am supposed to be Jesus to them. Let me tell you this is a lot harder than telling the world about Jesus and then going on with the rest of my life!

I hate knowing that I have drifted so far from the intimate relationship I once had with my Lord. Yet, at the same time I know I am His as I can feel his Spirit stirring inside of me. I feel him pursuing me and reminding me of his truth. I know that I can overcome through his strength this season of emptiness and can once again walk victoriously in Christ. I don't know about you, but I am tired of wasting my life on stupid things.

1 comment:

Carolyn said...

I hear you! May we both find our way back to the intimate relationship we had with our Lord and Savior in 2009. Saying a prayer for you my friend!