Hope seems to be the focus this week for my heart and mind. I am so excited to share what the Lord has shown me. Each little reminder feels like healing salve to my heart. Each time I watch the Lord work I feel strengthened and full of courage. And every time he speaks his truth over my heart, circumstances come that seem set to disprove that very truth. Yet, the Lord uses those circumstances to firmly root those precious truths deep within my heart and mind, removing all the doubt.
Events over the past few days have caused me to question whether we were making the right choices regarding the future of our children's education. Fears and feelings of inadequacies were filling my every thought. The conflict in my heart was fierce. Like a tug of war between wondering if I can really do this and the determination to prove to everyone that I can do this, the battle raged. When it all came down to the end though, the true question was what the Lord, and only the Lord, had led us to do.
I know without a shadow of a doubt that this is what the Lord has for us right now in this time. For how long I don't know. I just know that this is what we have peace about. So many things have confirmed this decision and tonight those things are reminders to me of the Lord's leading. I am so excited and eager with expectation over what the Lord will do in the hearts of my children and in our hearts as parents.
Tonight, I had a picture of what the outcome will be as I keep my goal as a "homeschool mom" focused on the goal the Lord has given me. My goal is simply to capture each moment as an opportunity to point my kids to the Lord. That is my whole purpose in this new journey. I have been praying for the Lord to give me a joy in my calling as their mom and for a supernatural love for my children and my husband. I am a warrior-mother and the battle is for the souls of my children. I know that I don't have to be a homeschooler to do this...but for this time in our life I need more time with my kids.
The picture I was given was in a simple exchange between me and my precious Joshua. I was working on research for Brittney's report and was writing notes. Josh simply said, " Don't tell me Mom. I know that you are doing your bible study, aren't you? I told him not this time but that I had earlier. True to his nature, his mind was spinning and his questions started flowing out. He said, " Do you remember when you were little, you said you read your bible every day so you could know all about Jesus? And you wrote love notes in your notebook to Jesus? Mom I want to have bible study every morning so I can know Jesus like you do." He then continued for the next couple of hours asking all the details of how to have a quiet time. He wanted to know do you get up early in the morning? What do you write? Can you read one of your stories to me so I know how to do it? Will you help me have a bible study? Will you wake me up when you wake up so I don't forget? So many precious questions of a heart beginning to stir towards a personal relationship with the Lord.
And those questions gave me hope. Hope that the Lord is at work. Hope that he will do his work in each of us, in my heart, in the heart of my husband, and the hearts of my children. He showed me then and there that He will make this journey of homeschooling successful...because if the only thing they walk away with is the knowledge and desire of how to truly walk with the Lord they will have the best education they could ever have. I have been drowning in all the parenting failures that seem to scream out louder than any success. Yet, here the Lord proves that he is more interested in the heart and that a heart that wants Him is the true definition of success. And he proved that, despite my failures, he is able to accomplish his will.