If the world spins fast enough, can you be thrown off of it? It certainly feels like that is what has happened to my world lately. Things have officially spun out of control. Right now, there are so many emotions flying around that I can't even go there...but I will let you know what we are facing right now. Overall, Jon is physically good. His blood counts are starting to suffer from his chemo. His platelets are quite low right now and the other levels are staying low. But we are pressing on with chemo next week. That makes me tired already just thinking about it!

The psychiatrist is trying his hardest to figure out what to do to help us. There are no easy answers and no easy explanantions. For right now, we are going to attempt to remove the medications he is on and start over. For reasons I don't quite understand they are thinking inpatient is not a possiblilty for this unless he completely loses it and ends up in the emergency room. Everything I have ever read or know of, recommends in these situations doing a med wash inpatient. So this makes me very nervous. At the same time I actually asked them to do this. Jon has been on medication since the year after his first surgery... so we really don't know what he would be like without them or with less or different meds. And at this point I am willing to do anything.

Unfortunately, the hardest part about the dr's plan is that they would also like to put him in a day treatment program. I am not sure how beneficial this would be but they want to try anything that might have the possibility of working. Its only a few weeks probably but it would require staying in Denver or driving back and forth every day. Worth it if there is a benefit but I just don't know that there will be. This possibilty has already caused great emotional turmoil. So I don't know what to do.

Please pray for us. We are already very emotionally spent, tired, and frustrated parents trying so hard to do what is best for all of our children. And honestly, I am not sure what that is anymore. My brain is on overload as the battle continues to rage. I need truth to hold on to...and this is the time when most of what is true goes out the door. So I am clinging to what I know is true...but my grip is slipping. Please keep praying.