How do babies grow up so fast? This one is really bothering me today. I am not ready for her to grow up. Life is too crazy, too much of a mess right now. I am scared that she will move so quickly into the next stage of life and I will not be able to make it a positive one. Does that make sense? I don't want to wound her heart like I know I have so many times in the other kids. I don't want to... it happens and I hate it. So I look at her and it makes me cry- how does it change so fast. I want to enjoy her a little longer.

As you can probably tell it has been a rough day. I guess what goes up must come down. I have been on a "mountain top" for the past 2 days. Rejoicing and anticipating change in my life, marriage, family, heart. And here on the brink of a great victory comes a crashing weight. The battle is tough, my friends. Some days it feels like I am drowning. It sucks the energy out of me. I feel so unable to be some one's wife, some one's mom, some one's friend. Ugly attitudes creep in in the midst of my weariness and leaves me feeling the unbearable burden of guilt after I have bit some one's head off.

Pray for us tonight if you so feel led. We must walk this life together. I need you. You need me.

I am off to rest in the shadow of his mighty wings...I just might not come out for a very long time!