Let the hockey games begin!

Living History Day in Denver

Happy Birthday Mya and Jon!!!!!

Desperate tonight for the strong grip of my heavenly father's hand holding mine. I don't know why but every once and a while some strong wind of sadness comes blowing through and knocks me completely off course.

That is where I am tonight. Desperate to hear his voice. Desperate for his words to tell me he loves me, he is pleased with me, he loves me even when I am not pleasing him, and that he is all I need. Desperate for the peace and rest that I know is there if only I can turn and run to him. Desperate for the truth that He is my hiding place... I need a place to hide tonight.

Reality is hitting me hard today. The shattered dreams and hopes. The pain of watching my child struggle through another day. The pain of knowing that the future is so dim for him. The overwhelmingness of all that lays upon my shoulder. The lack of desire that I have even had for things of God coupled with the overwhelming need to be where I could be if I would just choose to turn to him. The hopelessness I feel as I survey all the damage that this wretched tumor has caused...not just in Jonathan but in all of us. I can't fix anyone. I know God is able... but tonight it just feels crushing to my spirit. The only words I can think of to sum it all up is the verse that talks about growing weary of doing good. Please pray that God will protect me from this. I don't know what will happen to me or to all of us if we give up. Somedays I feel so strong. And others I feel so ready to walk away.

Its not all bad...just where I am tonight. Tomorrow when the sun has risen and all has gone back to normal I will tell you about the incredible weekend I had with my husband. And all about my sweet baby girl who celebrated her 2nd birthday today!!!!!

Its been a crazy week around here! My mom came to visit this past week. We had a good time visiting. I had hoped to get out and about more while she was here but circumstances didn't allow many group outings. We did manage to squeeze in a few girls only outings to the store and for coffee. The highlights of the week:

* My sweet friend had her precious baby on Monday night. I was so exicted to be able to attend the birth and take pics for her. My best friend Gretchen came with me and helped capture these incredible moments. I am so excited to have a baby to take pictures of and to throughly spoil! He is so gorgeous and perfect. God never ceases to amaze me.

* Jonathan has had an incredibly hard week. With little or no psyciatric medicine in his system, he has begun crashing. On Monday evening, he went ballistic on me in Sam's club. Thankfully my friend was with me and I was able to leave the other children with her and quickly leave the store. It has been a long time since I have had spit in my face! The next morning I was able to get him back into the psychiatrist. We put him back on one of the meds but I am still not seeing full coverage. I am going to contact Denver and let them what is going on. The tics also got worse, not better, without the medicine. His whole body was moving constantly without and relief. This is totally breaking my heart. The other update is that the results of his sleep study shows moderate sleep apnea. So yet another thing to navigate through. One exciting thing from this week for Jonathan is that he has been approved for occupational and speech therapy through school. This is so exciting and something we have been fighting for for a very long time.

* My mom was such a blessing this week to me. We had a fun time on Wednesday night going to Walmart at 10pm and getting ready for co-op. We stayed awake until 2am making playdough, creating a roman city, and getting all the materials together for my history class. She also went with me to co-op and helped me teach the lesson. The pics below show all my wonderful students building the city!

Well, my kiddos are awake and I need to get them going on their school work. Have a wonderful day!

Utterly Worn Out!

What a day today has been. The kind of day that can only be summed up and washed away in a venti, extra hot white peppermint mocha from starbucks and a few quite moments alone. ( And if I wasn't so tired I'd bring you one, Gretchen!!!!)

We just coudn't get going today at all. We are all worn out from our first day at co-op yesterday. This was such a neat experience. Jonathan gets to actually be in 2nd grade classes the entire day and this was so perfect for him. He actually particpated in each part of the day. I was so happy for him to finally fit in. The other kids loved it. They were so happy to meet other kids and Jason even came home with the phone number of a new friend. I was the history teacher for 2nd grade and then assisted in various other classes the rest of the day. I am glad that I allowed myself to be talked into joining the co-op.

But it was more exhausting than I ever realized it would be. My kids are all worn out too. And Mya spiked a fever this morning and has been running one all day. Poor baby. She is so sweet...she threw up from the fever and said..."that puke is gross".

So with messy house and tired children, nasty coffee and nasty germs, burdened heart what more could happen??? Well, Jon has officially become unstable emotionally. He has had three outbursts today complete with destructive behavior, overwelming saddness and being unable to be reasoned with. On the outside I stayed calm, but inside every emotion was churning...I am not ready for this. What will I do if he starts to loose it? What is going to happen? I am standing in the kitchen thinking about mental hospitals etc. I am feeling slightly frustrated in the area of psychiatry and neurology...on Monday I am going to contact the oncologist in Denver and see what he can set up there. Please pray that he will hold it together- especially while my mom is here. I am really worried about this.

I have so much more to share and even more that I can't share but I am too tired! I am going to go and watch the republican convention speech with my hubby and rest. I hope that you will all have a restful weekend.

Introducing The Newest Hockey Player in Our Family!!!!

Mya telling Papa "How Rude!"

I can't believe that my house sits in total silence already tonight. I have so much to do. My house is a mess. The laundry is pilling up. The kids school work needs to be prepared for tomorrow..but the server is down and I can't access any of it. My husband is in Denver for the night at an auction. And everyone is asleeep. The perfect set up for...peace? Rest? time for me? a chance to get caught up? Unfortunately, temptation of various forms creeps at every door threatening to overtake me. Mostly trying to make me believe I am who I am not. So my friends, tonight, once I finish this blog, I am going to be accountable to all of you and go to bed. I am going to close my eyes, believe truth, choose to obey my Lord, and take a step in the right direction.

Please pray for me to be strong. Pray for me to desire with a never ending thirst the will and word of God. Please pray for me to be able to connect and begin to bond heart to heart with a group of other women who also seek to become intimate in their walk with Christ. My heart truly does want to be set free to be what God wants rather than wasting time being held down by all this junk!

In happier notes...we had a wonderful time camping this past weekend. Shawn's family is really so much fun to be with. I enjoy the time I have with them. I am so grateful for the way they love my children and reach out to them and spend time with them. Mya summed it all up when she stated: Mamaw happy see me. Papa happy see me. Jesus happy see me. The sad part of this trip was that it was probably our last time going camping as a whole family for a while. Shawn's sister Heather and her husband and little girl are going to be moving in October. We just have to cram as much family time into the next several weeks as week can!

In addition to our new journey of homeschooling, I have been babysitting a precious little guy the same age of Mya. He is pretty easy and fits in pretty well with our family. What's one more when your hands are full already, right?

Josh starts hockey tomorrow. He is so excited. It is going to be a great motivater for him for school. Already he has planned to be up early in the morning so he will have his work done in time to go to hockey. Shawn and I are both excited for him to begin this adventure...he has waited for so long and I think he will do wonderfully! I am not sure I am ready to become a "soccer mom" but we will see!

My mom is coming to visit on Sunday. We are all very excited. I can't wait for her to see how Mya has changed. She is coming for a week! I really didn't think I would be able to get her out here this soon...so I am very excited about showing her our new life.

Enjoy the pictures from over the weekend. I didn't take too many of them this time. And I haven't edited any of them since my software crashed on this computer and I am too lazy!

Have a wonderful night!