The past hour has made me regret the past 2 days. I know it will be worst before it gets better... I know it will be better soon. But right now listening to my poor boy cry and beg for someone to pray for him and hearing him tell his daddy that he hates his tube just about tore my heart out. How do I help him understand that the pain is temporary and each day it will get better and better and soon it will be like nothing is there at all?

We had an extremely long day and finally made it out of the hospital and home at 7:30 tonight. I will share more details tomorrow but for tonight will you just pray that Jon will have pain free night? Thank you.

Thank you for all of your prayers for Jonathan. The procedure went well. He had a little more pain than was expected but once they increased pain meds he was doing pretty good. I think he will have some pain for a few days but once he gets to use the tube he will be happy for it! He did get dehydrated- actually he went into it dehydrated but I didn't know it. After he had only gone to the bathroom once all day I was a little concerned. We finally got a doctor- thanks to our wonderful and persistent nurse- to order him fluids through his port overnight.

I could really feel your prayers and the presence of GOd last night. I became violently ill with a migraine around 11pm. By the time Shawn got to the hospital with medicine and they got everything squared away with Jon so I could leave I was throwing up, dizzy, and shaky. I was quite scared to drive. I could feel God's protection around me and the baby all the way home and had pain relief in my sleep without any more medication. So thank you friends for being faithful to pray.

I am on my way back to the hospital now. We will learn what to do with this tube and do his chemo. If his labs are good and eveything else is ok then we will be back home in a few hours.

Jonathan needs your prayers tomorrow morning! We got the approval from all the drs involved so tomorrow morning Jon will have a peg tube placed in his stomach. He is very excited...I am a little nervous. I hope we are making the right choice. I am so ready for some relief from the stress of pill taking that I am willing to try anything!

His surgery is scheduled for 10:30. It is a minor and quick procedure but they will keep him overnight for observation. Please pray for his body temp to be stable throughout the procedure and for there not to be any complications. If he is doing well afterwards then on Thursday morning they will give him his chemo before we leave for home.

I am so thankful for some friends of my children who's parents have allowed them to stay with them after school and spend the night. It is such a blessing to know my husband will be able to join us at the hospital in the evening and stay with us and not have to worry about the other kids!

Mya has her consultation at 3pm tomorrow so my grandma is going to sit with Jon while I run her over there. I am praying they can quickly schedule her ear tube surgery as well. The quicker the better for all of us!!!!

Thank you for your prayers and your friendship! (The pic is of Jon and his best friend Noah)

It's so quiet I don't know what to do!!!

It is a very rare moment at my house. Mya is sound asleep. All the kids, including Jonathan, are at school. My husband is at work and I am here in the kitchen drinking coffee in the total quiet. Its so quiet that I don't really know what to do!!! Kind of like when you go to the grocery store alone and it takes 3 hours of wandering aimlessly to get even half of your list...all of you moms know what I am talking about. You finally get time to do what you want/need to and you can't because you can only function in chaos.

So a quick update... Jon is going to the surgeon on Monday morning to set up the time for a g-tube. Please pray that we make the right decisions and that there will be no complications or problems. Pray for a quick surgery date. Mya goes Wednesday morning for a consult with the ENT for ear tubes. I have put it off as long as I can... I think she really needs the intervention. Its going to be a busy month....

One more thing to share- today while I was packing I came across a little thing I wrote when I was in Peru many many years ago. I have been looking forward and have actually felt a little panicked that it might be lost. I wanted to share it with you.

The night has ended and now dawn is arriving. I can see her on the horizon peeking through the black stillness with brilliant rays of light. The heart leaps with new found hope at the sight. A sight so reving for a well wearied soul to behold.

Eyes heavy with sorrow lift to gaze upon the sight, a stray tear falls and disappears in the sonlight. The days have been dark, silent, not an answer to shatter the stillness. My heart has clung to words heard before- this too will pass.

How the sky must be so dark for the picture to be so bright. The beauty must not be lost among light soft whisps of cloud-only the deep darkness portrays the color in bold display. So, an eye without a tear, never sees the rainbow. Gold without fire will never shine pure. Clay without heat will never be firm. A soul without wind will never learn to find refuge.

One who doesn't learn to walk in the dark trusting will never follow in the light. Here in the dark, I feel my masters hand. Its here that I feel his tight grip, his arms embracing me. Without rocks to stumble over, I'd never know what it was to have Him pick me up.

And this weary soul would never know rest, if it were always dawn. In the dark silence, I hear a voice, " Come..."

I just have to take a moment to brag on the two hard working men in my life. My husband is an incredible man. He has overly impressed me this past few days. We have spent the entire past week getting our house ready for the appraisal process. Shawn was off Sat, Sun, Mon and Tuesday. This was a huge blessing because there was so much to be done! I love to watch my husband work. I love to work with him. Something about watching him work hard for our family...getting dirty and creating something just makes me feel so attracted to him. I long for him and am so thankful for him when he is doing things to update our home. I am especially happy when we can deal with the stressful situation like this and actually be peaceful with each other and our children. It was such a miracle to not have one cross word spoken to each other the entire time! I do think God is working on us!!!!
The other man I must brag on is my dad. I don't really tell him enough how much I appreciate him. My mom an dad both gave up the entire weekend and then some to come here and help us with whatever needed done. My dad came after working all day and spent 5 hours laying this beautiful new kitchen floor that Mya is sitting on in the picture! I was amazed and reminded again of the beauty of truth when my parents jumped right in to help meet the need.

So here is just a sampling of everything we accomplished this weekend- the entire hallway and stairwell have new paint, the trim in the whole upstairs is a bright clean white, there are 8 brand new 6 panel doors up that have brought my house into the modern era, the bathtub is sporting new grout, the kitchen cabinets have been scrubbed and all the handles replaced, and a new kitchen floor has been laid. The floor is so wonderful...it is actually some sort of vinyl that locks together like hard wood and actually looks like hardwood. The appraiser actually thought it was real wood!!! I feel spoiled and blessed. I am thankful I get to enjoy it just enough for it not to be destroyed by little hands, Jon's numerous craft projects and that inevitable irreversible stain!

The first appraisal was this morning. The second one is tomorrow along with the market analysis. Then we wait and pray. Please pray that God will provide exactly the right offer. He knows our need and the desire of our hearts. I know he is bigger than the economy and housing market.

In other news, Jon has chemo tomorrow. I am praying that they will not keep him for fluid. I have tried hard to keep him hydrated but he is feeling so bad that it has been difficult. It is such a difficult balance. I am hoping to get a definitive answer tomorrow about the gtube and an appt for it. We also have a little bit of a stomach bug going through right now- pray that Jon will not get it.

It's Been Way Too Quiet Around Here!!!!

Long time no blog, huh? Sorry friends! Just have a lot on my plate and not alot of time to think through a blog that would even make sense. So here is a run down of this past week:

* Mya begins running a fever Sunday afternoon. It continues through Thursday morning. At one point her fever was as high as 104.5. A little bit scary to me... although the most concerning part was that her feet, hands, and lips appeared a little discolored. We knew the fever was from two infected ears. But a quick listen to her breathing makes me wonder if we have another case of Reactive Airway aka Asthma in the family. We waited so long for antibiotics because we wanted her to get into the ear dr. but they were not able to work me in this week and our appt is Jan. 30. Hopefully we can get tubes put in and get her some relief before we move!

* Tuesday afternoon the paper arrives to begin the official moving process. Within hours appraisers, relo specialists, and realtors began calling. So began the incredible chaotic and slightly overwhelming task of packing, cleaning, repairing, and remodeling to prepare for the best possible appraisal and offer. A little hard to do when the sick baby won't let you put her down! Thankfully my mom and dad have come to the rescue. My mom came Thursday, Friday, and today to help us with whatever needs to be done. Shawn and my dad put on 8 new doors today!!! What a job but they look so beautiful. Its a shame I have to move in a few weeks when we finally get everything looking so great!

* Wednesday- we finally get to visit with my sister, her husband, and their two kids who are in town from Alaska. The picture above is of Mya and her cousin. We were attempting to take pics of the cousins but the lighting was not cooperating very well. We got a few good ones though. Shawn also had to go out of town for work... bad timing but providential for him.

* Jon had chemo thursday. He is slightly dehydrated and his white count was elevated... he has a bad sinus infection and cough and he is losing his voice. His ears are full of fluid. The poor kid doesn't feel good! Hopefully we can get the antibiotic down him and it will work. I am still waiting for the dr to set up the surgery for his tube. We agree that it is good but I know the oncologist is a little worried about it. I am praying for patience and the right timing.

We were supposed to have, in the middle of this craziness, Jason's birthday party. I feel so bad... his birthday was Dec. 28th and we still have not had his party!!! Well, I was worried that no one would come since it was such short notice and we were so busy with the house that I felt like we should cancel it and reschedule it. So I did- good thing too because last night Jason went to a friends house and threw up three times. Then Brittney woke up this morning after spending the night with her friend at this same house and threw up... YUCK!!!! So we may have the beginning of another lovely stomach bug.

So now I am off to sleep before its morning and we start all the excitement over again! I will be back again as soon as I get a chance!!!!

This is a bad picture but I felt I had to put some kind of Colorado picture in here... this is from last summer when we went out to visit. We had gone to the park with my in laws.

Its hard to believe I am moving back to where it snows. Its hard to believe I am willingly going. Its hard to believe this is happening so fast. We are still waiting for our relo packet. Once that arrives it will be crazy. One of Shawn's friends estimated we would have our appraisal within a week... that means there is a massive amount of things to be done! I am thinking that if I can do a whirlwind of work between now and then the next 8 weeks will be easy- there will be very little to clean up if it is all packed, right?

We took what may be our last trip to Atlanta this morning. Thankfully we left at 4:30. The traffic was awful once we got to the outskirts of town. We made it just in time. Today Jon, Britt, and Josh went to the neurologist. Josh is going to be taking a preventative for the migraines. We are going to try Topamax daily and see if it helps calm things down a little. I hate for him to experience such severe pain so hopefully it will work. The trip down and back and the appt went well. Only one major crisis- Jon decided to choke on his lunch and throw up all over himself, the table and the floor. Needless to say every one's appetite was spoiled and we got the rest of lunch to go. After a pit stop to Target for new clothes we were on our way!

Tomorrow is chemo day...pray that I can convince the drs that he needs this tube in his stomach to help him. I need to get it done before we move. This would be so wonderful for Jon and the rest of us.

IT'S OFFICIAL!!!!

We are Colorado Bound. Shawn accepted the offer Saturday to relocate to Colorado Springs. This is an incredibly huge change for our whole family...good and bad, happy and sad. It will definitely be an adventure. We are scheduled to move the first week of April...Shawn begins work on April 7. So let the craziness begin...or continue...or whatever....

It will be a whirlwind of activity in our home for the next 10 weeks...its hard to believe we will begin a new life in just that short amount of time. Please pray for all the details, transitions, and emotions. I will keep you all posted.

MRI is STABLE!!!!!!

We are home from Atlanta and everything is good. There are no significant changes in Jon's tumor. He definately still has a massive sinus infection. I am going to try to get in touch with the ENT and see if there is anything different we can do for him... his next appt is not until Feb. But he is so miserable.

I was so happy following the appt with the oncologist today...we discussed the problem we have with his meds. I am at a point of desperation with his pill taking. It takes at least an hour and a half each night to get the pills down. For the first time today someone had a solution that might really work-either a NG tube or NJ tube... of course, there is no way he would tolerate a tube in his nose. But a tube in his stomach would be a real possibilty. The thought of not having to force pills down his throat is very appealing to me. So Thursday morning I will be heading to clinic ready to push for this happening very soon. God knows we needed an answer for this quickly.

Well, I better get to bed. There is more to update about soon but for now my pillow is calling my name!

Greetings from Atlanta! Two days down, one more to go.... Jon has had his MRI yesterday morning and his testing today. We will get the MRI results tomorrow and the testing will be back in about 3 weeks.

Overall this has been a good trip...we spent the day at the North Point Mall yesterday. Brittney was ecstatic to be able to go to the new American Girl store. It was quite the place. Mya was not too happy about seeing her bitty baby on the shelf. She kept trying to get it off and into her arms. Everyone is now the proud owner of their very own webkinz...Brittney got one for her birthday and the boys really wanted one. Jon got one as a gift at the hospital yesterday so they just had to have one.

Mya has been so sick... thankfully the ibuprofen seems to be helping. I think she probably needs ear tubes... honestly, even though it is just a minor surgery I just don't want to deal with another thing. Today she spent the day with me at the psychology office...she was disgustingly funny... her nose is so stuffy and runny that when she sucks her thumb she sounds awful. She started sucking her thumb to purposely make the nasty sound and then laughed about it.

I could really use your prayers... I am struggling with so many emotions that I can't think straight. I feel as though I am sliding into the depths of despair.... I don't want to go into detail tonight...just don't have the emotional energy but please just pray...God knows what I need... he seems to be engaged in the battle for my heart!

I will post again tomorrow when we know the results of Jon's scan.

We are off to Atlanta!!! We will be in Atlanta for 3 days this trip and are looking forward to making it a mini vacation. Jon is scheduled for his MRI scan at 8 am tomorrow morning. On Thursday he has a neuropsych evaluation all day. The rest of us are going to swim in the hotel pool all day. On Friday morning we will meet with the oncologist and get the results of the scan. Jon is also going to get his chemo while we are in Atlanta. He is quite nauseated today so I am praying for an easy trip...and will make sure to have a big puke bowl with us!!!

I will update as soon as I can. Thanks for your prayers. Pray also for everyone to get well...Mya has had a fever the past 2 days and a yucky cough...this sickness has to end soon.I am not sure how much more I can deal with.